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Planning a wedding from a bride’s perspective and a parent’s perspective
Weddings are joyful celebrations, but behind the scenes, they often involve delicate — and perhaps for some, frustrating — financial negotiations.
Whether you are a couple dreaming about your big day or a parent offering support, navigating wedding planning requires coordination, communication and compromise. Kendall Mitnitsky, a financial planner at CIBC Private Wealth who got married last year, and Leslie Kehoe, a wealth strategist at CIBC Private Wealth who is currently helping her daughter plan a wedding, offer the following tips for handling the financial aspects of your family’s big day.
A bride’s perspective — Dreams meet dollars
Planning a wedding is exciting, but it’s also one of the first big financial decisions many couples face. As I approached the planning process, these considerations guided me:
1. Set a realistic budget
Your first and most important step is to determine the total available budget, including any family contributions. Then, allocate your funds according to your priorities. Whether you are already set on tying the knot in a particular area or are open to any venue/location, reach out to a few options for each vendor to get a better feel for a price and package that meets your expectations. Larger, more established venues may include certain vendors (such as catering, alcohol, and linens) in their package but have less flexibility for customization, while smaller venues may offer an a la carte approach that could be more budget-friendly or flexible.
Tip: Set up a wedding email account to serve as a one-stop shop to communicate with all vendors, save all contracts, and inform any other hands involved in the planning (i.e., parents, wedding planner). This can make your life and the lives of those helping you plan worlds easier!
2. Stay true to your values
While it’s important to let yourself dream when setting a vision for your day, remember to weigh decisions through a lens of what matters to you. Take time to research and gather inspiration, whether through wedding magazines, blogs, or social media. Once you have a vision, prioritize the elements that matter most to you. This could be the venue, the apparel, the type of cuisine served, or any other element. By identifying your top priorities, you can allocate your budget more effectively and ensure that your wedding reflects your personal style. By referencing our Wedding Budget Template you can assign a weighting to each vendor that will help you determine how to allocate your overall budget when deciding on vendors.
On the other hand, having an elaborate traditional wedding may not be your cup of tea. Amidst the excitement and pressure of wedding planning, it’s easy to get caught up in trends and societal expectations. However, it’s essential to stay true to your values. Whether that means opting for a more intimate gathering or choosing a unique theme, prioritize what resonates with you.
Remember: your wedding day is a reflection of your love story, and it should feel authentic to who you are as a couple.
3. Communicate with parents
Actually, clearly communicate with them, or others supporting your special day. If family members are offering to contribute financially, have open discussions about their expectations. Understand what they are willing to provide and any conditions they may have, such as input on the guest list, invitations, or venue choice. Setting clear boundaries and expectations can help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is on the same page.
4. Remember what really matters
While you can plan every detail, it’s important to remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect day. Yes, these details make the day special to you and to your guests, but if the band didn’t play that song you loved or you got behind schedule, remind yourself that only you know the difference. To your friends and family, you are the glowing couple on the happiest day of your lives. It’s easy to get caught up in the centerpieces and champagne, but the most important thing is your commitment to your partner. No price tag changes that.
Tip: Assign a sibling or bridesmaid to distribute any gratuity on your special day. You and your parents will likely be preoccupied hosting, so it’s nice to delegate tasks like this to someone else you trust.
A parent’s perspective — Love with a ledger
As a parent, watching your child get married is an emotional milestone. But for many, it also comes with a financial commitment. Here are some issues I’ve navigated with my daughter:
1. Decidethe amount of your financial contribution
It’s important to communicate early the amount you are willing to contribute. This allows for early budgeting by whomever is going to be in charge of the budget process. Some parents set a fixed dollar amount while others offer to pay for specific items like the venue or rehearsal dinner. Remember not to get too caught up in the excitement and spectacle — you shouldn’t bankrupt your retirement fund to pay for your child’s wedding. Plus, if it’s your first child getting married, you are setting a precedent for future weddings in the family.
2. Determinehow your financial contribution will be made
Once you know and have communicated your contribution amount, decide how that amount is going to be paid.
One option is to give your total amount directly to the happy couple, and they handle the budgeting and payments. But make sure you are cognizant of any gift tax implications. (Perhaps use the gift tax annual exclusion of $19,000 per person for 2025.) This option allows the couple to have the experience of budgeting and removes you from the middle of every financial decision. It also prevents you from having any awkward conversations with your child’s future in-laws if they are going to contribute — they instead can have those conversations with the bridal couple.
Another option is to make payments to wedding vendors directly from your own account. This allows you to remain in control of the financial reins and to be more involved with the financial planning for the big day.
Tip: Depending on your financial support, it could be worthwhile to use one credit card to fund your contributions. The perks of leveraging one card could lead to a substantial increase in points, miles, or cash back that can be used for other expenses.
3. Respect the couple’s vision
You may have certain expectations, but remember that this is not your wedding. Offer advice respectfully and keep communication open. The money may come from you, but the vision should come from the couple.
4. Plan for hidden costs
Parents and the bridal couple are often surprised by unexpected expenses like extra guests, vendor gratuities, lodging requirements, and last-minute wardrobe changes. It can be helpful to factor in a 10-15% buffer when budgeting.
Finally, read the fine print: Vendors may hide certain costs in the extensive verbiage of the contracts, so be prepared to read through every contract carefully!
Tip: Encourage the happy couple to write handwritten thank-you notes to all vendors, thoughtfully including any day-of gratuities that aren’t already included in the upfront cost. This ensures every vendor feels appreciated through the couple’s kind words while still compensating those who haven’t already received a gratuity.
Weddings are about uniting families — financial squabbles shouldn’t be what lingers after the last dance. Just as every detail of the wedding day is carefully curated to reflect the couple’s love story, the financial planning should also be a harmonious collaboration between parents and the happy couple. Think of it as crafting a beautiful bouquet: each flower represents a different aspect of the planning process, from budget discussions to family contributions. When arranged thoughtfully, they create a stunning centerpiece that everyone can admire.
For help with putting together your specific budget, leverage our Wedding Budget Template or reach out to your Relationship Manager at CIBC Private Wealth.
